I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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