We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Randomize
