Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
