dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
