I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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