Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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