So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
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i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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