I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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