I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
