Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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