i just made my gag reflex go away.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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