i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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