I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
