If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
