Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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