I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
