I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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