you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
