My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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