No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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