TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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