I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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