@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
