Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
