well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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