so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
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Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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