I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
