Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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