I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
