My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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