i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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