I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
