watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
pray to the hookup gods
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
