hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
