Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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