you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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