I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
