Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
