Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
