it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
