I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
