mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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