Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
