What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
