Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
