I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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