Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
