You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
