i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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