His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
