You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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