No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
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I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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