When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
