I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
