no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Found your dick twin last night
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
