I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
