you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
