butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
